The Definitive Guide to More Sexy Time for Busy Dads
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This simple and definitive guide will tell you busy husbands exactly how to have more "sexy time" with your spouse.
The Bottom Line
If you want to have more "sexy time" with your spouse then you need to do the following two things on a regular basis.
- Learn their major Love Languages
- Add them to your daily life
Sound too simple right? Well, most things that we want can be broken down simply but the effort you give it depends on how much you want it.
What Are The 5 Love Languages?
The 5 Love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. They are the five identified ways that people show and choose to receive love.
Words of Affirmation
People who value this love language greatly appreciate emotional support or encouragement. They feel loved when you tell them that they did a great job or that you appreciate what they do. Showing them that you're there for them when they are going through a tough time or situation means a lot to her.
Acts of Service
The people who value acts of service feel loved when your words are supported by your actions. To them, your words are nice but what you do means so much more. So, doing things for them that makes their life easier like running their usual errands and doing their chores without them asking you to make them feel loved and appreciated.
Saying "Show me the money" or "that gift for me" makes the people whose love language is receiving gifts feel loved. The more you give the more they love it. And the more personal and thoughtful the gift the more it means to them.
People who value this love language can sometimes be mislabeled as needy. With people whose love language is quality time it;s all about your personal attention with them. They feel loved when you spend time doing things together. It could be watching a movie or an outdoor activity if you're doing it together. And you must be giving them your attention. You just being in the room with them usually isn't enough.
The love language of physical touch is all about giving your spouse the kind of touch that they like. Everyone is different so it's best to ask them how they like to be touched. With some just holding hands can mean so much. And with others, just touching one another while you watch your favorite TV shows means more. It's up to you to find out.
Focus on Her Most Important Love Languages
Now that you know what the 5 love languages are you need to figure out which ones are most important to her. This part is easy. Write them all down and ask her to put a number from one through ten beside each one to reflect its importance to her. Number ten is the most important and one being the least important. There's no need to guess here when you can get it straight from the source. To make it easier, you can download our 5 Love Languages Activity Sheet here.
(TIP!) Here's a way to get some brownie points! Make it a couple's activity.
- Print two copies of the worksheet and circle your love languages in the first column.
- Then write a number from 1 to 3 of each love languages importance to you in the next column. 1 is most important to you and 2 is least important.
- Use the same number scale to guess the importance of each of your spouses love languages and write them in the last column.
- Finally, you two should compare notes and discuss your results.
Once you know the top two or three love languages of your spouse focus on them. I'm not saying that you should ignore the lesser ones but make sure that you cater to the major ones.
How to Add the 5 Love Languages to Your Daily Life
Just do it. Ha ha! No really. Just do it. Make a conscious effort to add her major love languages to your daily or weekly life. I know we're busy dads, but we make time for the things that are important to us, right? It's so true that once you know how a person spends their time throughout the day that you can tell exactly what matters to them most.
Examples of How to Add the 5 Love Languages to Your Daily Life
More practically, here are a few examples of what you can do daily for each of the 5 Love Languages to show her that she matters enough for you to love her the way that she wants to be loved.
Words of Affirmation
Set a reminder on your phone to text her a message of appreciation while you're at work. And make time to call her every now and again so that she can hear your voice when you say it. This will go a long way and may even start to "warm the oven" for some "special time" later on that evening.
Acts of Service
You already know her schedule of things to do around the house or with the children so try to do some of them for her. Make sure not to continually do the exact same thing if you can help it. That way she doesn't get used to it and it doesn't become your new chore unless you want to do it. The spontaneity increases its effect.
Because us busy dads have less time to create those hand-crafted gifts or get to the store when we want to, we should focus on smaller and more intimate gifts. I like to write words of affirmation or affection on small post-its and leave them in places that she'll notice but aren't always easily seen. You can put one in her purse, on the dash of her car, in her lunch bag and on her favorite mug or coffee cup. I like this one because it can also appease her Words of Affirmation Love language.
This one can be more difficult for the busiest of dads to accomplish but its still just as important to her. So. Make. Time. Besides taking her to her favorite place outside of the house, you can watch her favorite show with her. You can show more interest in what she likes and ask of there's a way that you can participate in it with her.
So, for most guys sex is the immediate answer but that's not what you should default to. Like I mentioned earlier, find out how she prefers to be touched and do that. Also, you can put you hand on her leg while driving or touch her hand when eating out.